


Searching Paradise

by PssTriiish



Category: ONEUS (Band), ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Fantasy Fulfillment, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27190942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PssTriiish/pseuds/PssTriiish
Summary: A cup of coffee. A pile of books. Rainfalls visible on the glass window. Classical music playing on a vintage record player. We all have our own paradise.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Searching Paradise

Kanghyun is a bookworm student who always read and borrow books from their university's library.

One time, there was a book he fancied a lot, he really liked the story; characters, plot twist, storyline, content, every scenario, how the writer expressed the feelings of the characters and how the story ended.

He fell in love with the book and asked the librarian if he can just buy it instead of renting it. Sadly, it's not available for sale cause it was just written by one of the literature students of their university who already graduated. There's only 100 books that was published, given to its batch mates and professors. So the library wants to keep it on their shelf.

He was disappointed. He wants to read it again. He can feel the emotions of every characters on the book.

Desperate. He searched online where he can buy it. Luckily he was able to find a sunbaenim selling it on its SNS, however it will arrive next week.

He badly wanted to read it again. He went back to the library to borrow it, but someone already reserved to read it.

He talked to the librarian if he can meet that person so he can ask if he can borrow it first and he'll just bring it once he received what he ordered online. But the person who reserved it went out and will be back in the afternoon, he cannot wait for him, he still have a class to attend to. But he really wants to read it.

In despair. He checked and digged in his bag to look for a pen and a decent paper. He wrote a note and pleasingly asked the librarian to put it on the book.

He checked his phone, 9:50am, on this situation, he will be late on his 10am class. He ran out of the library to chase his class.

Kanghyun went back to the library after his 3pm class. He went straight to the librarian and ask if his rival of his beloved book is still in the library. Unfortunately, his rival just went out few minutes ago and missed to talk to him personally. He asked for a contact number of his rival but they are not allowed to disclose any information.

He went out from the library with too much weight on his shoulders. It was a bad day. This place was his comfort and escape but not today. This is the first time he will go back home without reading a single page of book from his paradise. 

Kanghyun went on his bed after taking a bath, he just finished doing his homeworks and finished having a meal with his family. It was just his daily routine, this is his daily life but because of his rival, he was not able to read the book and he's also not in the mood to read other books. He's longing for its unique story.

Tired. Exhausted. Frustrated. He lied down to sleep and rest. He closed his eyes for seconds but his phone rang and a message popped out on his screen.

Ignoring the time. Ignoring the fact that he still have a morning class tomorrow, he rushed to his closet and changed his clothes. He went out and went in a hurry. He cannot miss this opportunity.

"Hi. Wanna read this book? Come and me at Banpo Bridge. I'll only give you 20 minutes. You'll not see me even you're just a minute late."

==================================================

Yonghoon went for a walk after he had his coffee near at his place. He's getting tired of everything.

Monday. He should be reporting to his work but he decided not to go to. Exhausted. Anxious. He keep on walking and didn't notice that he already reached his alma mater library.

I wish I could turn back the time.

He went around the shelves, flipped the pages of the books he once read. He missed this smell.

His feet carried him and stopped at the corner where the cursed book was. It has a dark aura that can attract someone longing for fantasy and denying the reality. "Why aren't they removing it here. No one should read a single word from this book."

He picked up the book and asked the librarian that he will borrow it, and he has no plan on returning it.

He finished filling in his information on the log book and his phone rung.

"Where are you? Why are you not here? Comm'n Yonghoon! Our artists are here, when will you present the songs that we're asking from you?"

"I'm -", he was cut off from the man shouting on the other line.

"No more excuses! Come here already! How could you call yourself a lyricist and producer when you cannot write a single song for our artists? You useless idiot!" 

"Enough. I'm coming." 

Insulting words. In his every day life, he heard it a thousand times. He's done for it.

He talked to the librarian and requested to set it aside and he'll go back and get it in the afternoon.

He called for a cab and went to his unit, grabbed the binder where his composed songs are. He checked if all of his written songs were there, after confirming that all the papers are complete, he hopped on his car and drove to his company.

Discussions. Meeting that lasted for hours. He needed to breathe. He's starving. He is weakening. He only had a cup of coffee since this morning.

He left the studio and went back to the library.

Finally, the book is in hands now. I will end this curse now. I promise, no one will ever get to read this.

Unmindful with his current state, he came back to his unit, without having a single sip of water, leaned his back to the headboard of his bed. 

Yonghoon started to flip the pages of the book. Memories are coming back. He flipped one more page from the first chapter and tears started to fall down. He wiped it out and continued on the next chapter.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he turned the page of the sixth chapter and a note came out. He sniffed and calmed down his self. He sit up straight and read the note.

"Hey! I badly needed this book. Can I borrow it first? Please contact me at +82 ** **** ****. I'm willing to pay, just name your price. I'm not being arrogant here, don't misunderstand me, but I just need to read this again.

I'm still trying to analyze how their story ended. I'm trying to understand it on the writer's perspective. I actually think he's a goddamn idiot. Thanks!

\- Pingu "

After collecting his self, he closed the book he was reading. Went to his fridge and had some water.

" Did he just call me an idiot?"

Out of all the readers of his book, this is his first time to received an offensive review. All the reviews and feedback he's getting are praising his talent, they are all complimenting how he made the whole story.

Mixed emotions. Confused. Tired. Got insulted again. He took his car key and the book from his room. Get inside his car, speed it up and unknowingly, he reached Banpo Bridge. 

He flipped the page where he left on and continued reading it. He's almost done reading the last chapter and remembered the note of the reader of his book. 

He sent a text message to the phone number that was left on the note.

"This will be the last time I will hear insulting words. You'll also the last one who will read this cursed book. I'm ending it now." 

He waited exactly twenty minutes.

==================================================

Kanghyun is running out of breath when he reached the bridge. He searched for the person who sent him a text message. He kept on searching where was the exact spot where the man is standing. He can't see anyone from the bridge.

He's the only one on the bridge at that time. He can't see even a shadow of someone else, even on the other side. 

He checked the time on his phone. He's already three minutes late. He sighed and slowly walked til he reached a spot where a light post is.

He found the book.

It was just the book.

"Where's the guy who sent me the message? He's weird huh." 

He slowly approached the book and looked around. No sign of other people on that area. There were no traces of him. 

He started to feel chills on his body.

He opened the book hoping that there might be a note left by his rival. There was none.

He flipped the first page. Second page. Third page. Fourth page - he's right, there was a note.

But it's the note he wrote earlier.

He turned the back and found a reply.

He was surprised with the message he just read. It made his body freeze. He doesn't know what to do. He can't react. He felt that he was the reason of his rival's decision. He turned around and looked down the river. Dialed 119 and called for an emergency.

"Thank you for your kind words. I appreciated it that you liked my book but at the end you still see me on that way.

I'm done with everything. I'm tired. I just cannot take it anymore. You will be the last, your words will be the last that I can take in.

The world is very cruel. And that is sad. It is lonely to live in this world where people doesn't know humanity.

I'll be following my paradise now where everyone wants to go like how the characters ended up on my written book.

I hope you can find yours.

\- Jin Yonghoon "

===================================================

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not take it negatively with the characters I used. Let's raise suicide awareness.


End file.
